god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
