All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
