it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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