She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
