he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
