hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
