I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
