Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
