Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
