some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
