did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
