Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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