Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
