my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
