he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
