It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
