Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
