I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
