Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
