The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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