we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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