Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
