I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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