You smell like a Billy Joel song
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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