My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
