We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize