I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
