Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
