I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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