He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize