he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I deserve this hangover.
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