Betty ford says i'm here all night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
