I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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