Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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