Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize