I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
