so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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