all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
