your room smells of hookers.
And success
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
