I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
