this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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