Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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