My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
