things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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