I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
