That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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