the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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