The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
