I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
