pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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