it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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