Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
