his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
