Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
