I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
