and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
