You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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