she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
