Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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