I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've blown a few things in my day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
