Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
