so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
