Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
