So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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