The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
