I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
