im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
