I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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