I cut my penus on the lid.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
