I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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