p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
