He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
