Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
