Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
