Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
