ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
