she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
