We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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