the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
