He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
