I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
