i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
