I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
