You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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