I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
